The game changer, dealing with failure, and following my arrow.

Hey, friends.  I try really hard to keep this blog bright and cheerful as that is the kind of brand I am trying to promote.  I think I've done a pretty good job of it, but I am a whole person too and as whole people go, sometimes we just feel crappy.

Part of being an artist is portraying yourself as something you either: most of the time are, might not be yet, or hope to someday be. Someone who:

1. ...isn't afraid to fail. 
2. ...who sees inspiration in everything 
3. ...who isn't afraid of taking risks.  

And when artists don't feel this way they are encouraged to fake it until they make it.  And I can usually do that for the outside world, but lately I have been really bad at faking it for myself because a part of me just feels like a huge failure.

I said it, the "F" word.  At the age of thirty-blank I feel like I've had my hand in so many different pies that something should have stuck by now.  And the mental energy it takes to keep faith that I will make rent, be able to pay my bills, and that that extra special something I need is right around the corner gets exhausting.

And then I see something like this:

Ken Robinson: How to escape education's death valley

"A real education needs to give equal weight to the arts, humanities, [and] to physical education."

Hear that??  It's not my fault!  And if any of you out there feel or have felt the same way I do, isn't it wonderful to know it's not your fault either?  I mean, PHEW!!  The education system failed us...MISERABLY!!

Anyone who saw me as a child would have plainly seen I was an artist and a writer and in a perfect world, those skills would have been nourished and doted upon just as much as math and sciences were.  But, unfortunately, those things were not promoted equally and that caused me to shut down and stop trying to learn. 

Seeing this video yesterday meant a lot to me because it made me see I've been living with a real handicap.  I've been trying to swim in an ocean when I was barely given a single lesson that I could actually understand.  And I shouldn't be surprised at all to learn that I'm drowning.

So...what now?  Those of us who are one of the millions of children who were left behind can take solace in knowing we weren't given a fair chance, but we can't stay there.  We can think about it and grieve it, but eventually we have to forgive it and continue on with our art.  And that is exactly what I am going to do.  It's the only thing I can do.

I'm starting to plan my first art show.  It's going to be very quaint and small and it's going to take place in my apartment most likely.  I'm getting very excited about it.

While I was at Target today I saw this shadow box frame for sale that comes with four little tacks.  I know it's going to be a game changer for the types of pictures that I make.  I can't wait to use it~

I know this is already a long post, but I wanted to include this Kacey Musgraves song because it's really helped me a lot through this difficult time.

"Just follow your arrow wherever it points."